So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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