He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
