We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
