you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
