While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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