You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
