I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I puked a lego.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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