my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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