I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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