remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
