i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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