We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize