I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
