is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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