Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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