Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
