I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have fence marks all over my body
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
