And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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