um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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