No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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