We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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