Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
