I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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