I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
