if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
