Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
