my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
