WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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