I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
