You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
