her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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