So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
