Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
