4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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