Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
