return my video game
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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