who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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