hell yes lets make some ravioli
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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