I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Who wears a wallet chain?!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
