Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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