o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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