So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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