i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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