"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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