8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
