tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
