I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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