Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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