about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
