Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
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I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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