the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
