There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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