dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize