i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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