I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
