I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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