last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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