I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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