a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
