did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish i was in the wii world.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
