Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
