my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
