i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize