meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
