Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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