If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
