Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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