gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
