My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
