You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
