I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
